Thank G-d The Apprentice is drawing to close.

A week or perhaps two’s respite before another series appears of egotistical, back biting nutters trying to impress Sirrrrr Alan. (Not to be confused with Sir Alan lookalike Fozzie Bear and fellow Muppets pictured; could be used on spot the difference).

Why does Sirrrr Alan do it? It must be ego. His business is now mainly property, does he need an apprentice to mastermind the crumbs of what is left of his other businesses?

And where do Apprentice’s go after they win? I cannot remember the name of the last winner and I have heard nothing of him since his win. Will he reappear as the next in line to take over Sir Alan’s empire. Unlikely.

I think Charlie Brooker in The Guardian summed up its business worth as: “The notion that the series represents a genuine test of business skill is exposed as the preposterous gobbet of cockflob it is (in the interview round).” Wonderful phrasing.

It is just “good” old fashioned reality television in a setting different to a house/ musical / stage. Why not have a reality TV series set in a war zone, where the loser goes on a suicidal mission each week? Good television.

But the business techniques seem to be straight from the 80s and about as cutting edge:

Sell - regardless of whether the client wants it

Business is all about sales technique

Back biting and scheming, despite protestations to the contrary, is standing up for yourself

No relationship building needed

Repeat clients not important

More sophisticated techniques not needed as long as you bang on doors

The shame of this is that is all a charade and that Sir Alan does support charities, might all be gruff on the outside and he has more depth than this crap. Still if you have a beer it can be enjoyable to watch a bunch of egotists squirm, be made fools of, have their bubbles pricked for about 10 minutes.

Another series of The Apprentice: another set of banal self-serving and deluded individuals for this”reality TV” dross:

“I rate myself as the best salesperson in Europe.” Jenny

“There’s nobody at my age who has achieved what I have.”  Lindi

“If I am faced with a situation that may cause mere mortals to quake, I don’t.” Reaf

“I haven’t failed at anything.” - Nicholas de Lacy-Brown before he got kicked off The Apprentice last night.

Compare with a true entrepreneurial hero:

“We admire people who work hard, who are objective and thorough.  We detest office politicians, toadies, bullies and pompous asses. We abhor ruthlessness.  The way up our ladder is open to everybody.  In promoting people to top jobs, we are influenced as much by their character as anything else”.

David Ogilvy who built from scratch a worldwide leader in advertising: Ogilvy and Mather.